Be gentle with each other.

This year, 2020, has been among the hardest many people have seen in a long time. Of course, everyone has their own individual times that are more difficult than others, but this year in particular seemed to be a collectively difficult one. We saw a sweeping pandemic that turned the entire world upside down as scientists raced to create an effective vaccine. We saw political upheaval and divides in the United States and other places around the world. We also saw people speaking out for their rights and their lives as oppression and brutality continued to beat down on the Black community. People have tried to make ends meet in a crashing economy with joblessness soaring, many of them also trying to help their kids get through the school day from computers at home. Some people struggled with small children without daycare, or had to make the difficult decision to later send them back to daycare or school when they had no choice because they needed to get to their jobs. Fuses are short, tempers are hot, and people are burned out and exhausted.

As 2020 comes to a close, many people are feeling a sense of relief that the “year from hell” is almost done. But, in reality, we all know, we are not through this yet. We are part of the way through one of the darkest periods of this dark time, when light is scarce in the winter, and the ability to see each other has become more difficult. The number of infections from the virus are rising daily and tensions are growing as well. It’s hard to keep your cool when the stress of everything happening in the world and in your own life feels crushing some days. Even as I watch my friends in healthcare, who have been stressed beyond measure, start to receive their first COVID-19 vaccines, it’s difficult some days to keep up the sense of hope for the future.

I was struck by something I read online recently. I follow a page on LinkedIn called The Female Lead. They re-posted a tweet from Hillary Dixler Canavan, a restaurant editor from Los Angeles, which said, “My husband said something that’s really helped me think about where everyone is at emotionally, why everyone seems mad at you or like you can’t do anything right: ‘Everyone needs more than anyone can give right now.’”. When I read that, I realized that is exactly what has been happening and why we have all felt so stressed and so tired. And I thought to myself, “We all need to be more gentle with each other.” 

It’s been hard to walk through life gently, offering love at all times when I’ve been so exhausted and frazzled. There have been some truly amazing and wonderful things to come out of this year for me as well, but among that, life has been a chaotic challenge. It’s been hard to give myself fully to everyone who needs me at all times. And it’s been so easy to slip up and feel like I’m disappointing everyone. It’s hard in a normal year as a working mom. In this particular year, it’s been a challenge I never imagined.

I’ve found myself frustrated time and again with my middle-schooler, disappointed by the negative attitude I’ve received, tired of the anger and being ignored, and feeling generally unappreciated. And then, sometimes, I realize, she’s struggling in her own way. She’s in one of the most awkward and difficult phases of life, facing physical and mental changes—all in the middle of a pandemic. She’s learning from home in our make-shift school space in the basement, staring at a screen for the entire day, unable to regularly see friends and do after-school activities. All the things that make middle school fun have been stripped away. No wonder she’s angry. I would be too.

I’ve tried more recently to be mindful of the way I interact with my children and my husband. Softness and understanding have yielded more positive interactions. I may be frustrated that dirty dishes and food have been left out for me to deal with, but passing that frustration on to others during a difficult time doesn’t help any of us. It is possible to be kind and gentle, even when asking others to be more responsible. But, first, you must be kind and gentle with yourself. Take a deep breath and realize that it is okay to be frustrated. And once you acknowledge your frustration, it’s okay to also let it go.

It’s been a struggle to be understanding and kind to everyone at all times. Some days, I’m at my wits end trying to manage a two-year-old and two teens under the same roof, while also trying to get my art career off the ground after being let go from my previous job. Some days, I feel like a complete failure. It’s going to happen. It happens to all of us. The important part is to be gentle with yourself. And in turn, you’ll find yourself being more gentle with others. It takes time to figure out how to be gentle when you’re so low on energy. But, in the end, being gentle actually uses less energy than giving in to frustration and anger. By bringing mindfulness to your frustrations and then transforming them into gentleness, you (and everyone) will feel more at ease.

Take some time to remind yourself that you are human. And then, remember that those around us are human too. If there is one resolution to take into the new year, perhaps it should be that. Be gentle with each other. Everyone needs some love right now.